pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude. I can hear the air.
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