are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
