he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
