Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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