Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
