okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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