i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm really busy with my period
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