My cat gives me a boner
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
