the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
