Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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