How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
