News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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