I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's rum buckets o'clock
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
