Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
