I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
