He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
