Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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