i just wanna soil my oats bro
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
