Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
