20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
