sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
