Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize