There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
