My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
