Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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