Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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