I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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