Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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