i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
