he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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