party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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