If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and she was petting her beer can
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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