p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
