operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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