your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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