After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
