why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
