When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
