using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
