so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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