I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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