I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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