I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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