how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
