I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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