I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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