She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
