the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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