She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
