Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
