I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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