Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
