I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
