Is it normal to miss your booty call?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
