i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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