i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
