We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
