TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
