he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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