You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
