I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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