Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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