Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
