is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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