I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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