its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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